Today is my fourth day with a vicious bout of what is almost certainly stomach flu. As such, it felt like a good time to make a list to document my experience.
THINGS I HAVE NOT DONE THE PAST FOUR DAYS:
- Gone to work
- Slept for longer than 2 hours without waking up cloaked in sweat
- Taken off this red sweatshirt I’m wearing right now
- Eaten an adult sized meal
- Had coffee
- Consumed an adult beverage
- Left my house for longer than 10 minutes
- Changed out of sweatpants
- Showered (okay, I showered this morning, but it was a solid three days)
- Hugged or kissed my wife
- Hugged or kissed my children
- Worn my glasses
- Driven a car
- Seen any of my friends or colleagues
- Read more than 2 pages of a book (no energy)
- Kept any food or drink in my system for longer than 90 minutes (gross, I know, but it’s true)
- Worried about what the mirror was telling me
- Put on deodorant (what’s the point?)
- Been able to be even a half assed parent to my two sons (praise my wife)
- Had a conversation longer than 5 minutes
- Been without a mild to severe headache
- Gone longer than three hours without taking my temperature
- Consumed a beverage (excluding water) that doesn’t end in “ADE”
- Had on a pair of shoes for longer than 10 minutes (see #7)
- Stopped thinking about how awful I felt and when, oh sweet lord, when was it going to end?
Keep me in your thoughts, won’t you?
Benjamin Roesch 